The Aftertaste is Equally as Good

If I were rich and famous I'd .... One of those questions that should be easy to answer and maybe it is.

First of all, you deal with the personal appearance. Facials, nails, hair (and hair-removal when need be), teeth, wardrobe, etc. I needn't go into the gory details -- you know what you'd like done. This goes for men as well as women. You get yourself looking good.

Next, you get the cool car and pad. Maybe a Cadillac and a house in Napa Valley plus a luxury apartment in New York. Obviously. Or a Vespa and a castle in the Scottish Highlands. You decide. Rig it up with the hottest technical equipment and furnishings. Wouldn't mind having a maid visit every now and then. Or a personal trainer for that matter. Maybe you start collecting art. And I'm not talking paintings by Tony Bennett.

Third, you meet and (important) hang out with other famous people. Think of the actors, musicians, directors or writers who you really dig. Now you have a legitimate reason for not only hanging in the same room with them but for approaching them. Hell, they're famous, you're famous. That's a lot in common. Soon you're sipping single malt scotch with David Bowie and Andy Warhol. Okay. Andy's dead. So maybe Norman Mailer or Truman Capote. No, both dead. Whatever. You're famous ... find someone you admire and tie one on before the paparazzi. It'll only help your career in the end.

And of course now that you've hit the big time you must take up a cause and donate some hard-earned dough and lip service. Whatever you're passionate about ... now you can be heard. Animal rights, vegetarianism, breast cancer research, pedestrian rights, environmentalism. No end to the possibilities. If you've got clout, you've got power.

Now what? Sit back and get fat and richer? No. You put out products. A clothing line? The ubiquitous celebrity perfume/cologne? Maybe food? Paul Newman does it. Nah, I'd go with wine. Francis Ford Coppola and his daughter Sophia aren't the only celebs making lots of dough with wine. Greg Norman and Ernie Els, Olivia Newton-John, Sir Cliff Richard, Fess Parker, Sam Neill and Barry Manilow have lucrative vineyards producing fairly decent wines. I like to drink it and I'm sure I'd like it even more if it had my name on it.

And there's always coffee. Newman does that too. And I've recently discovered that David Lynch is passionate about coffee and has marketed "David Lynch Signature Cup". You can order 12 oz. of his whole beans or blends of organic espresso, organic house roast or organic decaf french roast for $16.27. Strange price. Strange guy. But ever-so passionate. Why coffee? Here's his eloquent spiel:

"I love coffee. I have loved coffee since I was a young boy. I love the smell of coffee and I love the taste of coffee. David Lynch Signature Cup Coffee is a coffee I particularly love. It has a great, deep, smooth flavor of delicious coffee. It has a good taste to me when it first enters, and the aftertaste is equally as good. It is like the powerful smoothness of a 12-cylinder engine, as opposed to a jangled 6-cylinder , or a V8. It has a richness and the flavorful constituents of this coffee fuels my thinking. I like to think and work with this coffee, and ideas seem to be in every bean. This coffee makes me happy. It is also an organic coffee and fairly traded. I feel lucky to have found this coffee, and lucky to drink it every day. Anyway, I hope you like it and I hope it fuels some great ideas and a happy, flavorful life for you."

Maybe Mr. Lynch has had a bit too much coffee. Does Paul Newman have tea covered? I think when I am rich and famous I'll just stick with wine.